Originally posted: November 18, 2024.
Sometimes you feel all alone. Like you’re the only person in the whole world. You have no help, no one cares.
You feel like the chips are down and you’ll never make it through this.
THIS is the one thing that’s going to destroy you.
THIS is that one thing you’ll never make it through.
It seems hopeless.
What’s the point of going on?
You feel like you should just give up.
You cry at night but where is God? He seems so distant. So far away. You’re not getting any answers and you don’t understand why.
I know exactly how you feel. Because I’m writing this from a homeless shelter!
Nothing Can Stop You
With tears streaming down my face, not knowing exactly what God is doing or where He’s taking me, I hear babies down the hall screaming and throwing fits. Good moms telling them, “You need to sit there until you behave”, so kindly and lovingly. So patiently.
Everyone here is hurting. Everyone here has been abused in one way or another. Everyone here needs help.
Including me.
But it wasn’t always that way. I was making millions of dollars, doing so well. And everything crashed, and while it’s not important to say specifics at this time of why or how, when the chips ARE down, and they are, I know my God is STILL with me!
I don’t feel His presence, I can’t tell you what He’s doing at this moment in time. I can’t tell you why He’s allowing this. I can’t even say with certainty that I’ll get through all this.
But I know a few things.
Here’s what I DO know…
1- My God (and yours) is worth worshipping at ALL times.
We are so quick to worship God when things are going great, and when things aren’t, we start to question Him. I know because I’m questioning Him right now. “What are you doing, Lord?”, I think to myself, “Why is this happening? Why are you allowing all this?”
But Jesus is good in the good times and the bad. God is still God, no matter what! He’s still in control, fully sovereign, fully God.
2- He has a plan for you
Jeremiah 29:11 says He not only has a plan for your life, but it’s a GOOD plan…and…you may not know what it is right now. That’s okay. It’s only important we continue to trust Him in the good AND the bad times.
Because let’s face it, there’s so many bad times in life where we’re just holding on by a thread. He’s there too!
3- Sometimes He will test you
Maybe He’s testing me right now. Maybe He’s testing you. Maybe He wants to see your faith displayed to the world. Maybe He wants to know you’ll follow Him…NO…MATTER…WHAT.
I’m willing to follow Him through homelessness. Are you? What are you willing to follow Him through? Are you willing to have faith in Him that He knows what He’s doing, even when things SEEM completely hopeless?
This week, I lived in my car, bouncing around from motel room to motel room, not getting any sleep. Today, I am in a homeless shelter, having a warm room, a comfy bed, and I feel very blessed to have that and to be here. Praise the Lord!
Coming from where I came from, making millions, having over $400k in my savings account as a single mom, I never imagined myself here.
It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this. This wasn’t supposed to happen, and yet, it did. The very real situation is that it did. This is where I live for the next 30 days.
I think God is testing me. Will I still serve Him when I don’t have a cushy bank account, a stable roof over my head? How far will I go to CONTINUE writing this Christian blog because I KNOW it’s what He’s called me to do?
Is He testing you?
Does He want you to continue to hold onto Him no matter what? Does He want to see your faith in action?
4- God loves you
It sounds so trivial when you’re in a situation like this. People say it so flippantly. But today I want you to let those words resonate in your heart. God loves you.
He cares about you.
He died for you.
He loves you so intensely. So much more than you’ll ever realize.
And although it may not seem like it right now, He’s holding you in the palm of His very capable hands. He’s got a plan and in time (Ecclesiastes 3), it’ll unfold.
5- He won’t let you be tested beyond what you can bear
I chuckle to myself a little bit. God thinks I’m WAY stronger than *I* think I am!!! 🙂
Maybe you feel the same way.
It’s rough, right? There’s so much to bear.
But He gives strength to the powerless, comfort to the abused, hope to the oppressed.
Today, I find comfort in the small things: I have my own, warm room with a comfy bed. No, it’s not my $5,000 organic Avocado mattress, sure, but it’s not a car either.
What can you be thankful for today? What do you have today? Just today. How has He blessed you TODAY?
6- God’s will won’t change
No matter how many prayers I’ve prayed for God to save me from this happening, to bypass it, to avoid it altogether, He didn’t. He won’t. It’s something I’m convinced I have to walk through, though I don’t know why just yet.
Sometimes, we have to go through things because on the other side is something we wouldn’t have if we DIDN’T walk through it. Whatever it is that I’ll get on the other side of this, whatever jewel, I know that my character is being perfected and I suspect, for your sake. So that I can minister to your heart, in a whole new way because I AM where you are, devastated, yet still holding on.
I’ve been there.
And I don’t think God is going to change this situation for me. I think it’s something I have to walk through, and you may have to walk through what you’re going through too, for a time, in order to have some jewels also.
7- To throw it in Satan’s face
Satan would love nothing more than to destroy me now, to destroy you. Oh, how he wants to! But nothing can stop you. Not if you’re committed to doing the will of Christ at any cost. It may BE painful. It may be excruciating. I get it.
But he can only stop you, if you let him. And maybe, like Job, God wants to shove this is Satan’s face and say, “Look, this Christian will follow me to the ends of the earth and keep going, even when they have nothing.”
Can He say that of you?
Listen, you are loved more than you can possibly know by the One who created it all. He holds you in His right hand, He won’t let you fall past what you can bear, He’s holding your hand, walking through this with you.
Whether or not you feel His presence right now, I promise you, He is there. He is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), He binds up our wounds (Psalm 147:3). Our precious hearts are precious to Him.
Through tears I ask you this simple question…
Do you believe that?
Do you believe His word?
Do you believe His promises?
I do.
Let His peace and love surround you in your suffering. Let His righteous right hand hold yours. Let you fall in His grace and know that He. IS. THERE!
No matter what, He’s there, and nothing in this world, can stop you (Romans 8:38-39). Why? Because nothing can separate us from God.
He is our power, our strength, and our joy, even in the midst of such terrible sadness, pain, and fear.
What does Romans 8:38-39 mean? It means that God’s love for you never dies. He is consistent in that.
You are loved! You are precious. You are wanted.
Hold on tight to the One you know and do not ever let go!!!
How to get through this…
What will get you through this excruciatingly trying time for you is to focus on His eternal attributes as it’ll give you hope and encourage your soul. Think on things that are true, the Bible says (Philippians 4:8-9).
Likewise, when we think about God and all that He is, how nothing surprises Him, how He’s there for us, thinking about all of His attributes, it directly correlates to our belief system.
For example, if God is genuinely loving and He knows we are suffering, will He leave us here forever to anguish in our misery or will He save us?
The more we know God (not just knowing ABOUT Him, but knowing Him in an experiential way), the more we can trust Him and His promises and know that this isn’t the end, even if it feels like it.
Since my God loves me, He will save me. Period. And since He will save me, I can have full hope that He will do it. While I may not know when or how, I know that, in His timing, He will and I can rest in that and find comfort and peace in knowing that God WILL do it.
The best thing you can do right now, if you are suffering, is to get to know God more. To believe that He is who He says He is and to hold onto that hope that can ONLY come from the Lord Jesus Christ.
Studying out His attributes, who He says He is, all that He’s done for His people in history, should be, for the suffering saint, your priority and that’s exactly what this post has been about. To REMIND YOU of His goodness, grace, mercy, and love because right now, THAT’S what you need to focus on!!!
You WILL get through this. To the Christian, that’s promised (Philippians 1:6).
UPDATE (12/12/24): “Now that it’s been a while, do you regret giving everything up? Isn’t it hard?”
Great question! In order to answer this, I feel like it’s important for you to understand what I DID give up for the glory of God. I didn’t give up some rinka-dink trashy apartment in the bad side of town and me sittin’ here saying, “Oh, I gave up everything for God.”
I actually gave up quite a bit.
God didn’t want me to sell my home, which in turn, made me give up a good $300,000 in profits. That’s quite a lot of money by anyone’s standards.
I gave up my home, a stunningly gorgeous $1.5 million dollar home, and I want you to get the full gravity of this.
My house was built in 2013, a 5 bedroom, 4 bath place with a 3 car garage on nearly half an acre of property. It was in the nicest, most affluent neighborhood in the wealthiest of towns in the area.
My original dream was that before I met my future husband, I would surprise him on our wedding day and tell him that I had $20,000 in savings that we could do with what we wanted. Travel, save it, whatever he wants. It would be my gift to him. And I worked really hard for years to save up that $20k.
I passed that amount and I just kept saving, thinking that I’d have a good chunk of money in my savings for when I got married, as a present to my future husband. So that I could be the Proverbs 31 woman and he’d be so happy to know how hard I’ve worked for our future marriage and to alleviate stress on him that he wouldn’t have to work so hard (we could spend more time together 🎉) because money was in the bank to help finances.
It came to be, that I worked so hard (and God blessed me SO abundantly!) that I had over $400k in my savings. God then directed me to buy this house. I thought to myself, “Ok, I can give my future husband this home, instead of money in the bank. I’ll give him this home, I’ll decorate it perfectly so he feels so blessed and cherished of all the hard work I’ve done for him BEFORE I even met him”.
It was something I really wanted to do for him. So, under God’s direction and guidance, I bought the house and spent 3 years decorating it so perfectly, to make my future husband happy in a style I think he would have loved.
I wasn’t all the way finished decorating it, but most all of the pieces were there and it was cozy and homey. Here’s as far as I got…
Front of the house (per realtor website).
Front of the house (per realtor website). It had a basketball court, in-ground trampoline, and beautiful backyard. I imagined hosting many functions there (Bible studies perhaps, get-togethers with church friends, etc. and using it all for the glory of God). I ran the gifting group out of the home and really used it for His purposes.
Backyard in the summer.
Backyard facing the neighbor’s home in the snow. I had to share this pic. – the snow is gorgeous, even to me (and I’m not a fan of snow; I’d much rather have rain!!) ❤️
Entryway the first Christmas (main living room furniture is not there yet) and I ended up changing out that decor in the ending.
Main living room (my favorite room of the house).
Formal living room.
Media room. I had decorations for white/silver and white/red because I didn’t know which color scheme my future husband would prefer. 😊
Media room. White/red Christmas decor.
Guest room.
Study (second office- the main office that I had set up for two people (me and my future husband), you can see on the stairs pic on the left).
Holiday entertaining (fall). I had just bought the napkin ring holders.
Holiday entertaining (Christmas).
As you can see from the pictures, it was an amazingly gorgeous home that I worked incredibly hard for both for the home and all the decorations/furnishings.
After that (after I gave up everything for God), I bounced around motel to motel (city to city) and lived in my car (only a few days) till I got to a homeless shelter. In the shelter, I continued to blog, which is where I wrote this post you’re reading now and this one…
Right now, I’m in a nicer place that I found off Furnished Finder…
But it is colder than ice here. I’m getting sick because it’s so cold, there’s no washer and dryer (it’s a one room apartment over a garage with a bathroom. Think: a motel room). It’s hard to sleep because of the cold and hard to work when you’re shivering and your fingers and toes are icepops.
The landlords have given me a few more heaters and added a bit of insulation to the garage to help, but honestly, it’s just a freezing cold place in the harsh winters. Even after the insulation and added room heaters, it’s still very cold because all the warm air just escapes (through the front door, windows, etc).
The temporary housing I’m in now is $1,200/month (including utilities). I can afford $1,000/month (including utilities).
In the city I feel God leading me to (Albany, Oregon), the best I can find is $1,400/month (including utilities), which is even more money than the ice box I’m in now. 😆
I’m having a really hard time finding a safe place in my price range anywhere near Albany, but where I’m at now, there’s not anything in that price range either, at least not right now.
With Christmas right around the corner, most people aren’t moving. After the new year, if I don’t freeze to death and die before then 😛, I may be able to find something, as more people might be moving after the holidays.
My biggest prayer is that I find something safe and warm, even temporary is fine, to live at for a little while because I’m truly suffering and have been suffering since giving everything up for God. I either need my income to increase by $200-$400/month, depending on what I can find, or need to find a less expensive place that is around $1,000/month.
Now that you have a good understanding of where I was, all I had, and my sufferings now, the question is…do I regret it?
Nope. Not one bit.
If this is what He’s called me to do, and it is because it’s happening, then I’ll gladly walk through whatever He wants me to, knowing that He has a plan (whatever it may be) on the other side of things.
While I don’t know His exact plan yet, I am confident that it is something great and whatever it is it is for my own benefit (Romans 8:28) and for His glory.
HE alone sees all. We only see a portion of things. I don’t see everything. Our human vision is marred.
So, the only thing I can do is decide if I’m going to trust the God of the Bible, the God I’ve come to know and serve all these years or not and I choose to trust Him.
Completely, fully, wholly.
And if I freeze to death and die (haha), it is better, for I be with Him (Paul gets it: Philippians 1:23), and if I live through this, then He gives me the strength to make it through each agonizing day. His strength is perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Do I pray He hurry up and save me from all this? Absolutely!!
But I don’t regret obeying Him and I think that, when all this is over, when I’m through this, we will ALL see, why exactly He allowed this to happen. Till then, I trust, I obey, I follow, I lay down my life for the One in whom I love. Period.
It reminds me of one of my favorite movies, Labyrinth.
The character in the movie, Sarah, says, “Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child you have stolen…”
If she is so willing to fight so hard for her baby brother, how much more should we all be ready to lay our lives down for the love of Christ and to fight for Him, even when we don’t know what He’s doing.
So again I will repeat the same answer as before…I’m not sorry. I don’t regret my decision. ❤️
