A reader writes:
What are your thoughts and the etiquette around getting drinks with coworkers when you’re in leadership position?
I’m a female, on a younger side, in a leadership role at a small-to-medium size organization. We recently had a company event, after which 5–10 people went out for drinks and stayed for a couple of hours. It was just great to see some colleagues that are often in different locations, and most of them do not report to me.
A while later, an exec mentioned that he thought it was inappropriate to go out drinking with subordinates. I understand that colleagues may not always feel comfortable with their bosses being present at happy hours, but this was not the case here. I want to make sure I don’t undermine my reputation as a professional.
There are ways to do it that would be unprofessional, but the mere act of getting drinks with people lower in the hierarchy than you isn’t unprofessional. In fact, sometimes it’s part of the job for managers to put in an appearance at work social functions, even informal ones, to get to know people in a more relaxed setting (and let them get to know you) as well as to appear like a reasonably warm, approachable human who enjoys their colleagues’ company.
To a point, of course. It will be less professional if you’re always the one organizing it (which, given the power dynamics, doesn’t leave a lot of room to learn people aren’t that enthusiastic about going, or doing it so often), or if you’re always the last to leave, or if you drink to the point of drunkenness (or even to the point of letting down your inhibitions, beyond perhaps a round of karaoke that you wouldn’t have done without a glass of wine in you).
In general, if people who report to you will be there, I’m a fan of going for an hour and then excusing yourself. You make an appearance, but then you leave people to chat without the boss around.
That said, I’d want to know more about the executive who made the comment. Is he someone with a lot of influence over your career? If so, it’s useful to be aware of his thinking. Is he someone known to be stand-offish himself, in a way that has negatively affected how he’s perceived? If so, view his comment through that lens. Was there something about this particular event that might have triggered the remark, like that it got particularly rowdy and Bob from Accounting was passed out by the copier the next morning? That would give the comment more nuance than just “never have a drink with subordinates.”
But otherwise, it’s an awfully rigid rule that doesn’t align with how many good managers operate.
