“My husband makes all the money to support our family so whenever I wanna buy something for myself, I always have to ask him if it’s okay. It makes me feel powerless, like I’m a little kid at his mercy.”
I Have to Ask My Husband to Buy Stuff
I know how that feels. Even if it’s something you know he’s going to say yes to, it feels really demeaning to have to ask at all, like somehow we are less than him. Less important. Less valuable. And when HE wants to buy something, he can do it, no problem. He doesn’t come and ask US!
It’s something that I dealt with, with my ex-husband. So I talked to him about it. I was completely honest. Told him how it made me feel, so we could work it out and figure out some sort of solution.
He responded very calmly. Told me that I spent too much money and that’s why he made me come to him.
On his part, he was trying to protect me from getting scammed into buying something that was junk and wasting money. And think about it, the world is full of charlatans, and they prey on WOMEN, knowing that women are usually the purchasers, have more compassion and will be more easily talked into things. And there are scammers all around. Everywhere we look – on TV, the internet, Facebook ads, etc.
You think those Victoria’s Secret ads are preying on men? They’re not! They’re preying on YOU. On your insecurities, on your wanting to make your husband happy, on your desire to want to be loved by your husband. It’s all a scam and we all, as women, need to get super good at seeing through it, FAST! Because the truth is, women are being dupped every single day without realizing it.
My ex-husband was right. I wasn’t saved at the time and I DID spend horribly. I was dupped all the time too.
After I gave my life to God, the very first thing He taught me, was how to spend money properly and be a good steward of what I had.
I remember telling my ex-husband that I was sorry and I really wanted to earn his trust back.
Over time, I did just that! Yay!!
I remember asking him if I could spend about $500 at a retail store on some things I could resell. I expected him to say, “No! That’s a LOT of money!!”
Instead, he said, “No problem”. He didn’t even flinch. He wasn’t shocked at all by my request. He was totally okay with it, right out of the gate! I didn’t even have to explain myself. I asked him why he was so okay with it all and he said, “I trust you.”
Never in my life has he ever said more comforting and treasured words to my heart and I’ll never forget that moment for as long as I live. I had accomplished my goal- my husband trusted me! I went on to spend money wisely (learning to recognize scams, not spending on a whim, etc.) and still spend God’s money wisely to this very day.
Point #1 – talk to your husband. Ask him WHY he doesn’t let you spend how you want, why you have to ask him to buy something. His answer may be a variety of reasons, but whatever he says, listen to it. Find out exactly why he feels that way (getting to the root of the issue) so that you can come to a happy solution together.
Maybe it’s not something you’re doing wrong at all. Perhaps it’s just how he feels – that you should have to ask him before you purchase something.
If THAT’S the case, talk to him about it. Find out if he would have a problem with you earning extra money. You could put half of what you earn towards the bills to help relieve some of the financial burden on him, and you can spend the other half however you want
Unless he’s a major tyrant, he’s most likely going to be okay with that plan. Now all you need to do is to figure out how to make money from home.
There are a billion and one ways to go about it. After making money from home for over 25 years, the best, most profitable income-generating streams are listed in my post – 40 things to sell.
You want to start small. Start with selling things around the house (declutter your home). Just be sure not to sell any of HIS stuff.
We all generally have way too much stuff lying around the house (this list will get you started), and can start making money instantly!
One thing I’d like to mention is that, in being a good steward, you should tithe on the income that you make. Tithing doesn’t have to be cash, money, or even 10% either. A good example of tithing (giving back to the Lord) is maybe giving an item away to someone in need, rather than selling the item for money.
It’s really all about the heart (God loves a cheerful giver, 2 Corinthians 9:6-7). If you’re paying half to the bills, helping your husband and giving some to God, you’re more than blessed to take the rest for yourself (which also helps your husband because you’re paying for your own things you want).
Paying for your own items also directly helps you become a better spender. Think about it. When money is just sitting in the bank account, you tend to forget how HARD it was to MAKE that money. But when YOU are earning some money to buy what you want, I promise you, you’re going to be a lot more careful about WHAT you buy, knowing how hard it was to earn that money you’re spending.
So this is really a great plan for so many reasons! ❤️
Whatever the problem is that makes you feel the need to ask your spouse to spend money, get to the root of it so that you can fix it. To be very honest, you should not be treated like a child who has to ask for money all the time. YOU are an adult!!
If your husband, for some reason, doesn’t want you making money, then ask him if you can set a pre-determined amount aside each month just for you. If he loves you, he should be more than willing to do this, and then you have some spending money to do with whatever you want.
If he says no to all the ideas above, you really need to pray about it, as he’s being unreasonable. Talk to God about this problem. Bring it to the Lord DAILY and ask Him to change your husband’s heart, and just be super quiet about it and respectful until God does. There’s no reason why he shouldn’t be willing to work with you. Make it a matter of daily prayer, seek the Lord’s guidance, and ask Him for help. Don’t stop praying about it till you get an answer.
