“Is it okay to give feedback to my manager? If so, how do I give them feedback?”
Delivering feedback to your boss can be tricky, not only because there’s a power imbalance, but also because many people are not well-versed in delivering feedback.
While cultures like Netflix are the epitome of giving regular, honest feedback in the workplace, many companies are not as open to this level of authenticity and transparency.
Keep reading to learn how to best give feedback to your manager and common mistakes to avoid.
How Not To Give Feedback To Your Manager
Let’s begin with what not to do when giving feedback to your manager. The following are a few common missteps to avoid when giving feedback to your boss:
Don’t deliver feedback when you’re feeling triggered.
For starters, you never want to give feedback when you’re feeling irritated or anxious, as you’re likely to say something you’ll regret or at least deliver the feedback in a less than constructive manner.
If you had a rough day at work, wait until you’ve cooled down, processed your feelings, and collected your thoughts before confronting your boss.
Don’t nitpick every little thing.
Next, you want to avoid nitpicking when providing your boss with feedback. Although you shouldn’t have to tolerate a toxic workplace or abusive boss, part of working with people is putting up with their quirks, and the same goes for dealing with leadership.
Don’t only give your boss negative feedback.
Speaking of which, you want to be mindful to not only critique your boss but also let them know they’re doing well.
A helpful feedback framework for the workplace is Stop-Start-Continue:
- “I’d like you to stop…”
- “I’d like you to start…”
- “I’d like you to continue…”
Don’t deliver negative feedback in a public setting.
When you do give your boss negative or constructive feedback, you want to avoid doing so in public, as it’ll likely put your boss on the defensive. This includes not giving your boss critical feedback via a group email or Slack message.
Don’t beat around the bush.
People often give vague feedback because they want to protect the other recipient’s feelings. However, you’re not really doing the recipient or yourself any favors by beating around the bush.
Vague feedback might sound like, “The meetings are unproductive.” What part of the meeting feels unproductive to you, and why? You want to be specific and direct with your feedback.
Don’t do the “feedback sandwich.”
Similarly, you don’t want to bury constructive feedback in a “feedback sandwich,” as this can make it difficult for the recipient to understand what exactly they need to improve upon.
Clear feedback is a gift to the recipient, even if you feel uncomfortable delivering it at the moment.
Don’t wait too long to deliver feedback
Finally, because delivering feedback can feel uncomfortable, many people wait to give it. While you don’t want to give feedback in the heat of the moment, you also don’t want to resurface months-old grievances.
How To Give Feedback To Your Manager
Now that we’ve discussed what not to do, let’s discuss some best practices when giving feedback to your boss:
Pick an appropriate setting.
One of the most important elements of giving feedback is the time and place. Before delivering feedback, make sure your boss is in a good state of mind to receive it. You also want to give it in a private setting, such as your one-on-one meeting.
Choose your battles.
As I shared with Fortune, you want to choose your bottles when giving feedback. If you have several items you plan to address with your boss, consider prioritizing them and addressing one or two at a time to avoid overwhelming your manager.
If you’re unsure how your boss may respond to feedback, consider addressing a low-stakes topic first to gauge their response.
Balance positive and constructive feedback.
Research by the Gottman Institute has found that couples in successful relationships needed at least five positive interactions for each negative one.
While you’re not in a romantic relationship with your boss, you can still aim to prioritize positive interactions with them and take note of how often you provide them with positive feedback.
Be specific.
The best feedback is specific. You might consider the following feedback formula, courtesy of my therapist, Stephanie: “I feel _____ when/about _____ and I’d like _____.” Here are a few examples to serve as inspiration:
- “I feel unprepared being asked to present on marketing KPIs during the all-staff meetings without notice, and I’d like advanced notice in the future.”
- “I appreciate when you don’t schedule meetings on the last Friday of the month, and I’d like us to make this a weekly practice.”
You also need to be open to any follow-up questions, both in the moment and later, regarding the feedback.
Provide solutions.
As you might have surmised, it’s important to provide solutions when you give your boss feedback; otherwise, you can’t expect them to know your ideal outcome.
If you don’t have a solution or are just looking to vent, you’re likely not yet ready to provide your feedback.
Deliver feedback promptly.
Like coffee, feedback is best delivered fresh. Although there are exceptions, a good rule of thumb is to provide your feedback as soon as possible, so long as you’ve had time to cool down, process your feelings, and come to the meeting ready to discuss the situation.
Be open to reciprocal feedback.
Lastly, when delivering feedback, you must also be open to changing yourself, your perspective, and your behavior. You can’t give feedback if you’re not also open to growth.
Getting feedback is part of growing as a professional and as a person, and you’re never too good to receive it.
Final Thoughts On Giving Feedback To Your Boss
Please don’t expect yourself to be an expert in giving feedback to your boss. We’re rarely taught how to deliver feedback, and few companies have cultures that truly embrace authenticity and transparency, which can make the process uncomfortable. Fortunately, it gets easier with time and practice. You’ve got this!
