It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My employee thinks I’m sending “secret messages” about how much time off she has
I’m a new manager with less than a year of experience, and I manage one direct report, Sally. We’re both based in the U.S., while our director is in the UK.
Recently, one of Sally’s collaborators reached out to me, mentioning that Sally has been telling people I’m sending her “secret messages” about having unlimited PTO. This is inaccurate — our team gets 200 hours of PTO per year.
However, our department does have a flexible approach when it comes to things like half days, childcare issues, or doctor’s appointments, partly due to having team members in the UK who follow different guidelines. While I’ve encouraged her to take time off when she’s had childcare or medical issues, I’m beginning to feel that she may be taking advantage of this flexibility. I’ve never suggested anything like unlimited PTO. In fact, I recently made it clear by saying, “That’s what PTO is for. Use it!”
I plan to address this with her this week. While I’m obviously concerned that she may be taking advantage of the flexibility, the idea that I’m sending “secret messages” is more alarming. Could this be a sign of a potential mental health issue?
I wasn’t expecting your last line — that’s a big leap! It’s much more likely that Sally simply misunderstood something. It’s also possible that something got lost in the retelling — like that Sally didn’t actually tell the colleague that you were sending “secret messages” but rather said “Jane doesn’t say it openly, but she’s signaled I can take whatever time I need,” the colleague relayed that to you as “secret messages,” and you thought those were Sally’s literal words when they weren’t. Or maybe Sally did say “secret messages” but meant it as shorthand for something more like this.
Flexibility is a good thing, but it can also lead to people being confused about exactly what is and isn’t okay … and sometimes managers hesitate to spell things out explicitly because they feel that adds rigidity to something intended to be the opposite … but when you have an idea in your head about what is/isn’t okay, it’s a kindness to make sure everyone is on the same page, particularly once you see signs that they’re not. So just talk to her and clarify the expectations, and it will likely be fine.
2. Using a water flosser at work
I have adult braces, so I have to be very diligent about dental hygiene, and your previous answer about teeth-brushing at work assured me that it was not weird. However, sometimes food gets stuck in a way that is not conducive to braces. I have a small travel water flosser — is it weird to use it in a bathroom where other people can see? Something about flossing feels weird!
It’s fine to floss your teeth in the office bathroom. The bathroom is the right place for flossing to happen! Water flossers can be messier than regular floss, so just make sure you’re cleaning up any mess (not leaving water spray all over, etc.). If the area is clean for the next person, you’ve handled it appropriately.
3. Coworker in a different time zone is annoyed I won’t stay late
I’m having an issue with a coworker in another time zone. I work remotely in Eastern Standard and my coworker works in a time zone 2 hours behind me.
Lately, she’s been sending me requests to stay after hours at end of day (4:40-5:15). She consistently waits until my work hours are almost over to ask that I work late. I have classes three times a week at 5:30 and have told the team that I log off by 5:05. So, I’ve been saying no to her a lot.
I also know my coworker has made the request to my higher-ups that I change my working hours to accommodate her working hours, but thankfully they said it wasn’t necessary.
I don’t want to keep saying no, but I do not appreciate being asked to work late last minute so frequently. I would like to confront my coworker about this habit but as a remote worker, I don’t want to rock the boat too much. I feel like I’m expected to get the short end of the stick because I don’t have to commute in.
Is there a way to do this where I don’t come across as rude or a non-team player? Doing it over Teams feels dicey. I’m good at my job, I just want to do it during my actual work hours.
The next time she asks you to work late, address the pattern: “You’ve asked me that a few times lately so I want to make sure you know that I generally need to leave at 5 ET (3 your time). If you’re likely to need something from me same-day, please let me know earlier in the day if you can.” If you’re willing to stay late in very rare emergencies, you can add “except in very rare emergencies.”
One caveat: are other people on your team remote or are you the only one? When you’re the only remote person and especially if you’re in a different time zone, sometimes you do need to be more aware of the impact that has on their work. In many situations it won’t matter, particularly if you’re good at your job. But there are some circumstances where, for your own job security, you’d want to get ahead of any grumbling about it. I don’t have any reason to believe that’s happening here, especially since your boss shut your coworker down, but if you’re the only remote person it’s smart to stay alert for signs of it.
4. Contact doesn’t use reply-all when she should
I am running into a problem with someone I have to email regularly, Kaitlyn, who should reply-all so that everyone cc’d on emails can see her reply, but consistently forgets to do it. One other person, Mike, and I are Kaitlyn’s clients. For a variety of reasons I am usually the person who contacts Kaitlyn, but I always cc Mike since he also needs to see Kaitlyn’s response. Kaitlyn almost always replies only to me, meaning I have to add Mike back in my replies to keep him current on what is going on. We asked her once before a while back to “please reply-all so Mike can see,” but it doesn’t seem to have stuck.
My impression of Kaitlyn is that she is young and relatively new to the workplace. We have other frustrations with her (usually we are contacting her because something has gone wrong). Mike and I have not said anything else to her about the cc problem after the first time because we’re more focused on getting our problems fixed and we’re both worried about piling a complaint on a complaint and on getting snippy with our tone. But this is genuinely frustrating and annoying. What’s a polite way to ask/remind Kaitlyn to remember she has to keep us both in the thread?
You’re getting excessively worried about piling on or sounding snippy — probably because you’re feeling snippy because you’re frustrated. But letting that deter you from being direct about it just means that by whatever point you finally do say something, you’ll be even more likely to sound irritated because your frustration will have built up. It’s much kinder — and easier — to just be direct about this kind of thing as soon as you realize it’s a pattern.
So: “Kaitlyn, we’ve mentioned it before but it hasn’t stuck: we really need you to reply-all when you respond so we both see your responses.”
And then if it still keeps happening, it’s fine to get more terse: “Please include Mike on this response and others in the future.”
You’re her clients. It’s completely normal to let her know what your work needs are!
5. What’s the definition of “three business days”?
Last week, I was directed by a company’s customer service representative to contact their case manager. I sent the case manager an email early Tuesday afternoon and received a response later that afternoon saying that she had received the information, was in the process of reviewing it, and would respond back with a decision within three business days. Which in my opinion would be Friday at the latest.
After going most of the day on Friday without any response, I called the number provided with the email and asked to speak to the case manager, explaining that I was supposed to receive a decision within three business days and today was the third day. The receptionist told me that the case manager takes Fridays off so her third business day wouldn’t be until the following Monday. Is this normal? Isn’t “business days” based on a five-day work week excluding holidays? If the roles were reversed and they needed a response in three business days, could I claim I was on an extended vacation so it could be two weeks before I worked three “business days”?
It wasn’t a life-or-death situation but who gets to decide what is deemed a business day? Several business I deal with are now closed on Friday so this may happen in the future with bill paying/payments, filing/returning paperwork, etc.
Business days are understood to mean Monday through Friday, excluding holidays, unless something else is clear from the context. If someone means “three of my own workdays, which are different than the typical schedule,” then the onus is on them to spell that out — ideally by just saying something like “by Monday” rather than expecting you to do any contorted calculations.
What you encountered was just one weird practice, not something you’re likely to run into repeatedly.
