Lots of great questions coming in this week and I wanted to make sure to answer them all. I’ll add to this post as questions come in this week, so keep checking back for more questions and answers in this post this week. 😊
Here are your questions so far…
Questions and Answers – Session 1
1) What is your life’s goal?
Wow, cool question. Thanks! 😊 So, my #1 biggest life’s goal, on a personal note, is to create a women’s study Bible. A few years ago, I purchased a women’s study Bible from a well-known actress who is godly.
I was THOROUGHLY disappointed. It was a lot of fluffy stuff. Stuff about cleaning, stuff like that. I just couldn’t relate to it at all. It was junk to be very honest, at least to me.
And at that time, it dawned on me how I had purchased a few women’s study Bible’s over the years and they were not really helpful to me. I have good, solid study Bibles, but for women, I haven’t found a good one and I feel like the world needs one for women.
Maybe there’s a great women’s study Bible out there and I just haven’t found it yet, but at that time, reading her study Bible, it was just impressed upon my heart how cool it to be to create one. Idk if it’ll ever happen. It’s a TON of work, decades worth, and Idk all the logistics of it, but there ya go. 😊 That’s my big dream. ❤️
My first life’s goal in the Lord, is to simply be pleasing to Him. I strive day and night, running the race with endurance (Hebrews 12:1) to be the perfect Christian. I’ll never get there this side of heaven, but that doesn’t stop me. That’s what I want and I’m willing to run hard for it.
2) After you get married, will you stop blogging? Seems like you wouldn’t have enough time to do both.
So, the godly priority list goes like this…
- God
- Husband
- Kids
- Outside family
- Friends, extra church functions/activities, service to the Lord
- The world at large
In that order. Blogging is what God has asked me to do. I highly doubt He will just want me to stop when I get married. With that said, I will have time for both. For me, it’s easy peasy!
I’ve spent a lot of time learning how to be super productive with my time. Most of the time right now, I’m bored, 😄 and that’s okay. I’ve created my life to be as such, not filling it with time sucks (wood, hay, stubble).
I’ve created space in my life ALREADY for a husband, for dating, so I will absolutely have time for a guy, should God decide to bring me one.
AFTER I’m married, I think that God would want my husband to work with me on the blog and us both serve in this ministry.
Maybe he can help write blog posts. Maybe he can work the technical aspect of things. Whatever it is that he’s good at (his skills, what he’s gifted at, his spiritual gifts, his personality, and what God has called him to do), but for both of us to work the blog and serve others in this way.
I do believe that’s God’s will for my life. To work, hand in hand, serving others for Christ WITH my husband in this ministry, but then also one day, maybe my husband having a ministry of his own (maybe in person, maybe it’s him being an elder in the church, maybe he starts up courses online to teach a topic he’s passionate about that is attached to this blog) that I help HIM with, whatever that is, if he should so desire it. 😊
We also may start up a gifting group in the area? It’s really just something to be talked about with my future husband and both of us letting God lead us and obeying Him in our lives, together combined with what WE want to do. ❤️
Idk how all that will look or what God has called us to do as a couple, but I do know this. God always expects us to serve and serving is one of my spiritual gifts. If I’m literally NOT serving in some way each and every day, I get super SAD.
But it really is all about balance.
Our day could look something like this:
We work 4-6 hours a day in the morning (maybe 9 am-1 pm), and then the rest of the day is ours to do with what we want. So, if he is working the blog as am I, that’s a good 8-12 hours combined on the blog each day. For sure, we could make a LOT of waves in the world with working hard like that, for kingdom purposes. And still have the rest of the day to do what we want, spend time together, etc.
Then, on Saturday’s, I have devoted to my husband, all day. It’s HIS day, fully and completely (I’m a VERY romantic person!) We connect, we spend time, we are raw and intimate (cuddling, etc.) with each other, deeply talking, getting to know each other more, investing in each other.
On Sunday’s is church and a day of rest, so we don’t work. We go to church, am involved in that, and just rest all day, hanging out or doing whatever. I also use this day to clean. So I pick up after myself instantly and am super organized in my house during the week and then on Sundays, I usually spend an hour or two cleaning (dishes, etc. are done more than once/week, but I’m talking about the deeper cleaning type of stuff).
In that scenario, we (combined) work the blog 40-60 hours a week and still have a TON of time spending together. I don’t have kids at home with me, so for me, it’s a lot easier to create time for my husband and I want to! He and God are my priority on earth, so I’ve already accounted for that and have plenty of time to balance everything. 😊 I’m already prepared!!! I’m ready!
The one thing I DO know, that God has told me specifically already, is that the first two years of marriage, God has given me the gift of spending that time with my husband, intimately, so we wouldn’t start up any major ministries until AFTER the first two years (honeymoon stage basically). 🥰 We would just spend a ton of time together (continue this blog, of course, but not starting up more things until after we have had ample time to really be together).
3) My wife is always spending time with her friends and outside family, she’s not doing what she’s supposed to. If she helped me more, I wouldn’t have to work so hard. What do I do?
Ouch, that’s tough. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that.
The first thing I would say is that you can’t change someone else. You can’t make her want to work or even to help you. It really has to be her heart.
I would say though that she’s literally not being who she was created to be. Women were created for man. We were created to help our husbands. That’s literally our job in life. To help him, to support him, to make him not lonely and to be with him. If she’s not helping you, she’s in clear sin and not lining up to who she was designed to be. Genesis 2:18, 1 Corinthians 11:3, 1 Corinthians 11:8-9.
Secondly, are your expectations too high? Most likely they are not, but it’s always a good idea to check. If you expect her to take care of the kids, keep a clean home, AND work 80 hours a week for example, it’s just not realistic.
However, if she’s doing a lot of petty things, things that don’t matter for eternity, or spending all her time on the kids and ignoring your needs, then it’s a good idea to have a conversation with her and tell her how you feel.
Be honest, be sincere, be tender.
Show her how you don’t believe she’s lining up to the Proverbs 31 woman. Ask her if she’s willing to change this.
Then, all you can do is make it a matter of consistent prayer until something changes.
Leave it to God, she answers to Him, and God WILL chastise her if she’s a believer if she’s not taking your requests (anything that is not sin) seriously. He WILL work in the situation. Talk to her honestly and leave it in His hands until He changes things, but keep praying!!
4) You mentioned that men need sex daily. With taking care of kids all day, cleaning the home, and all my other responsibilities, it’s really hard to set aside time to be intimate in a loving way, without it just being a duty or chore. I want to please my husband, but I’m just exhausted. Do you have any advice for this?
First, I applaud your effort to want to please your husband. That’s great. I think that it’s hard for moms especially. All day, you’re running around in “mom” mode and then getting into “wife” mode, that transition takes a couple hours. Going from wiping snotty noses and picking up toys to wanting to be romantic. It’s a shift in the mind for sure.
And you want to be fully present with him, not just going through the motions. Your husband reads you loving him based on if you want to be intimate with him. He wants you to want him real bad. When you do, it pleases him because it makes his ego feel good and men need that. It makes them feel wanted, loved, and desired.
The best thing I could say is to schedule time to be romantic with each other every day. That means saying no to several other things so that you can HAVE that time. It means closing out loose ends and stop being so busy. Maybe putting the kids down an hour earlier can be a good idea. Tell them they don’t have to go to sleep, but they need to lay in bed quietly every night before bed.
Taking your kids to a family member’s house on Saturday so you have all day with him to spend together, could be another example.
Each couple is different and you’ll have to do what works for you, but you’ll want to consistently create time for each other on a regular basis. Your marriage is the most important relationship you have outside of your heavenly Father. More important than your kids. Obviously, you need to meet your kids needs, but your husband’s needs come before theirs. You need to meet both.
You’ll find a way. Just make it a priority and pray a lot about how you guys can come together and spend more time together. As you both prioritize each other and your marriage, you’ll see the fruit of it and it’ll make you want to spend all the more time together. ❤️
5) What’s one thing people would never guess about you?
Lots of things really. I’d say that I’m a night owl. Being a night owl means that I can easily sleep during the day OR at night, either one, and be just fine. I’m able to stay awake long periods of time and I really rather love being a night owl.
At night, the world is quiet and I can bust out a TON of work while there are no distractions. It’s one of my secret weapons to getting so much done. 😊
That’s kind of a small one so I’ll say one more…
I’m scary good at baseball. When I was younger, I played baseball on an all-boys team. I learned very quickly each and every position (except for catcher and pitcher- I didn’t care about those positions), and I got REAL good.
I played volleyball and basketball and ran track in the off-season to sharpen different skills.
But the funnest part was actually BEING a girl. We were able to use that to throw others off their game and get the upper hand.
We’d play a new team and I’d go up to the bat, all boys out there, not one other girl anywhere in sight, and I’d be like talking to a teammate, “Oh, shoot, how did you teach me to hold the bat?”
I’d pretend to not know what I was doing. 😆
There were lots of tricks like that and I became the secret weapon to really get ahead. It was super fun. I learned to work as a team and to use my individual strengths to help the team win.
In basketball, it was the same. I can make a basket in the basket every single time if I stand in one particular sweet spot, so the plan was to get me in that spot, no one was the wiser and bam, they’d pass the ball to me (which threw everyone off; no one expected it) and I’d make the shot and get the basket.
In baseball, I can catch just about every fly ball in the outfield, but my real strength is home runs! I can hit 8 out of 10 home runs consistently back to back.
In fact, even now, when I go to the batting cages, teen boys stop and sit down and watch me play. I’m good. I was super sporty as a kid. It wasn’t till high school that I became popular and more “girly”.
I’m still pretty girly to this day, but if we go play air hockey, watch out. 😆 I’m going to get competitive and totally beat you out of nowhere and you won’t see it coming. 😉
I love to play around, goof off, and have fun. Just never, ever underestimate me in any area of life. I’m used to being the underdog and winning. It’s kinda my thing. 😛😂
6) How’s the Albany thing going? Have you froze to death yet?
Lemme check. Yep, I’m still alive. 😆 For now… 😂
It’s still cold, but I’m managing. I’m praying to God for strength to get me through this all. I AM getting more rest this week. Praise the Lord. 🙌 It’s been quieter here where I’m at (the landlord has done some things to make it quieter here without me even asking, just out of the kindness of his heart, which is super sweet. His desire is to make sure that I’m able to blog comfortably because it’s such a ministry to the world- he’s a believer, which is cool) and I’ve been able to sleep more. YAY!
I was SOOO exhausted, having to pack and leave within 3 days and then staying in motels, in my car, and then the shelter. So, that’s what I’m thankful for the most this week! ❤️ Rest!
I won’t know if I’m able to move to Albany until after Dec 23. Just kind of waiting around until then, to know if it’s possible. If it is, then I can start looking for a place there. I’m paid rent through Jan 1 here, so it would be after that and then I would take a couple weeks to unpack, settle in, take care of things, etc. and then I can start going to church there.
That’s what I’m SUPER excited about the most!!!! Being able to be plugged into a church.
There’s not a good church there in Idaho at all; I’ve researched all of them. There’s not a good church here where I’m at (there’s a legalistic one and then a SUPER fluffy one; those are really the best options, but that’s not ideal obviously).
But there IS a fantastic church in Albany. I watched the service online today (live stream) and it was really good. I’ve been listening to sermons on their website all week, making sure it’s a biblical church, reading their doctrinal statement, etc. So far, it looks really great!!! I’m super excited to go to it, probably the first couple weeks in January, if everything goes as planned (if I’m able to move there). That would be the soonest, which I’m hoping for! 😆
I want to be clear: I want to live where there’s a godly church. That’s my heart.
If you have a good church, never take it for granted. As I’ve traveled all over, there’s not a whole lot of biblical churches out there. Hold on tight to the one you have. Be appreciative of it. Thank God for it. You’re very blessed to have one. 🙏
There was a seemingly godly church in Bend, but I contacted them, and they never contacted me back, which just shows that they don’t live up to what they claim to. So, I don’t want to move there.
There ARE a TON of options to move to Cleveland, Ohio (rent is cheaper over there) and to go to Alistair Begg’s church. It’s a dream of mine to visit his church before he retires next year!!! But with all the snow, it wouldn’t be good timing driving there. I was thinking after I get married, my husband and I can travel over there and stay a month or so. That would be SOOOO cool! It’s definitely a dream! 🥰
So for now, just kinda waiting around to know if it’s possible I move to Albany and then, trying to find a place there if it is. Finding a place this time of year will be the toughest part, so I’d love prayers for that.
7) How can a wife help her husband be more of a godly man?
Such a GREAT question. Lemme get back to you on that one. I think it might be a whole post for that question- not sure? I really have to sit and think about it for a little while. 😊
Keep your questions coming this week! I’ll try to get to each and every one of them. ❤️
