It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are five updates from past letter-writers.
1. My coworker keeps complaining he didn’t get promoted — but it’s his own fault
I figured I would give an update on my coworker, Roman, who complained about not getting the promotion he thought he deserved.
The response I received pretty much solidified my feelings and I told him he was no longer allowed to complain at me as the decision had been made and it was time to move on. However, as some may have suspected when I noted his lack of soft skills, things did not improve.
A couple of months later, we had a very large project that was very stressful for the whole team and he just amplified the stress from start to finish with his constant criticism of every decision made by every single team member.
When the project concluded, the decision was made to let Roman go.
After he left, it was like a dark cloud was lifted from the entire office. Staff who barely worked with Roman all breathed a sigh of relief. Team members who were quiet before came out of their shell.
The stressful projects were no longer stressful. My anxiety about my boss taking vacation went away because Roman wasn’t there to sow unease through the team anymore.
It really does make or break a workplace when there is someone there bringing everyone else down and I respect my boss for seeing that Roman was not fit for a leadership position and for recognizing that he had become toxic to all staff in the office.
2. My manager is upset that I’m paid more and get a benefit she doesn’t get (#3 at the link)
I appreciated your advice and the thoughtful comments. My manager did stop bringing it up with me, but has stopped approving my PTO. She did initially tell me she was trying to keep it at what she felt was a fair amount…which was less than the accrual rate (think, everyone accrues 20 days annually, she felt I should take max 15 annually). It ended up going to HR who told her clearly her interpretation of fairness was way off base, but that she is within her rights to deny PTO for any business reason, which she is doing consistently. I’m checked out and job hunting.
3. My coworker won’t share a file we both use (#3 at the link)
I created my own file. It took probably most of the week to do it and it seems against logic to do it. But I have her periodically update me with anything in the sheet (so she’s also created extra work for herself). I think it would have been better to have her share her file (your advice), since it quite honestly is her job. But there are a lot of things that is her job that she fights and doesn’t have to do — my requests aren’t the only ones she refuses to do. Our other admin assistant went to work for another department so a few of her responsibilities were assumed by the difficult one. She’ll pick what she wants to do and not do the rest.
The kicker is she is in line for a decent increase due to her taking on more responsibilities with no complaint. Our manager is a really nice guy, some would even say a pushover. These are not great qualities in a manager. For those who want a “happy ending” or at the least, some karmic justice, this update will leave you dissatisfied.
4. I retired a year ago and my old coworker still calls for help (#4 at the link)
I stuck to my guns and the other employee stopped calling me for help with my former job responsibilities. There was one exception but it was genuinely something that probably couldn’t be accomplished any other way than with my help.
But afterwards I did some thinking about the bigger picture, and realized that it was okay to not be invited to those gatherings. I enjoyed the work, my coworkers are good people, but for me employment has only been a way to pay the bills. I have always made friends at work but ultimately, I wanted to make a clean break from that world, and just be myself without all the drama of a workplace.
So I am at peace with the whole thing, and a family member added my cell phone to their plane, so my monthly plan is much less expensive anyway now!
Thanks for everyone’s support and help.
5. Accidentally low-cut uniforms (#4 at the link)
I had one foot out the door at the time of my letter and gave notice soon after. I was a key person in reopening a building that had been closed for over a year (hence the new scrubs), so I was so busy with that project and training the coverage for that building that it didn’t get mentioned. I’m sure someone will say something eventually, though. There are some pretty vocal team members who will eventually go into that area and remark on the scrub design.
