Need an amusing distraction today? I do.
Last week we talked about the oddest things you’ve found when cleaning out a desk or workspace, and below are 15 of my favorite stories you shared.
However, what is not my favorite is the knowledge that 30 of you — 30 separate people — thirty — reported finding nail clippings left in a desk you inherited. Why?
And yet, even burdened with that information, we must move onward.
1. The diorama
I found an entire, miniaturized diorama of the office, complete with desks, tables, smoking area outside, and hung up motivational posters. The cherry on top was that each person working there had their own figurine, complete with distinctive accessories.
When I found it, the former employee was posed as having his feet up on his desk, smoking a cigarette and eating a miniature Subway sandwich. He had left the position to open a Subway franchise.
2. The statues
We had an intern who drove the whole office crazy with his elitist behavior. After his time with us had ended, we needed to look for info on the computer he had been using, and we discovered a folder full of dozens of pics of ancient nude male statues. One of my coworkers pointed out that *of course* even his porn would be pretentious…
3. The burn book
I was doing a deep clean of a desk I was assigned and found a note taped to the underside of a drawer. It was basically a burn book of every employee the person who had my desk prior worked with. It ended with, “Whoever reads this, you’re welcome!” I agreed with most of it, honestly.
4. The emails
I just cleaned out my desk and found that my predecessor printed out EVERY email she sent, then highlighted them, made comments and annotations in red pen. These were emails she had sent, not emails she received. My favorite one was one she had sent to the CEO telling her she was an idiot … not long before she was fired.
5. The photo cut-out
My manager was fired. When we cleaned out their cubicle, we found a two foot tall cardboard photo cut-out of her manager’s head.
6. The notes
A few months after one of my coworkers was fired, their desk was cleaned out for a new hire. Under the desk we found at least 50(!) post it notes with varying messages, including comments about women colleagues’ bodies, Bible verses, comments about hating management, and “do not get fired again.” Guess that didn’t work out for them.
7. The condoms
Condoms. Lots and lots, with various *ahem* features. I put them in a clear jar and left it on their new desk with a post-it facing outward “Don’t need – free to good homes.” The person was incompetent, unpleasant, entitled and out of the office for a few days.
8. The Fungus Basement
My current company has … the Fungus Basement. Old laboratory space in a damp basement that became contaminated with fungal growth- it’s hard to sterilize fungus away and it wasn’t worth the risk of contaminating newer lab space, so an entire working lab got locked away in a lightless basement being slowly overgrown by The Fungus™. We just heavily sealed all the doors and vents to keep it in there, and I can’t imagine what a horror movie set it’s turned into.
9. The hair
At my first museum job, straight out of grad school, I was assigned a storage closet for event props, catering equipment, and our beer/ wine/ snacks for donor events. It had clearly not been cleaned in many years, and was so full and disorganized it was impossible to close the door. I went in one weekend, with my mom, to clean it out and spend some time with a parent I had not had a lot of one on one time with due to working and school. Was super excited about the day and very energized to clean up something that was irritating me.
But then we found the gallon-sized ziplock bag of human hair. No explanation, no label, nothing. Somehow someone stacked it above the cans of lighter fluid, which seemed to us at the time the only logical place to store a gallon of human hair.
10. The rubber stamp
A rubber stamp saying, “This article is also available in Esperanto.” To my knowledge, we have never published Esperanto-language works, but this stamp was in our mailroom for years until I finally took it to my desk. The actual stamp part is gone, but I’m keeping it to mystify whoever ultimately cleans out my desk.
11. The cheese
I wasn’t there to witness it, but the woman sitting next to me and the company parted ways. Her desk was always covered in opened crisp packets, half-full bottles of pop and other detritus.
My boss had to clear the little drawer cabinet we each had under our desk. He discovered that departed coworker had been storing cheese in it.
12. The quesadilla
A coworker left, and another coworker and I were the only ones left to clean out her desk. Amongst a melange of personal effects, we found a hard copy of our reporting schedule with a handwritten missive at the top. It read, “I am a quesadilla.” It is now my go-to mantra during inane work situations.
13. The pistachios
Pistachio shells. I moved into a cube in a corner after the previous guy had moved on. He had apparently been snacking on pistachios for years, and instead of using the garbage can ALSO UNDER HIS DESK, he just tossed them under his desk and called it good. It wasn’t visually obvious, but as soon as I tried to sit down my feet encountered a ~2 foot tall mountain of pistachio shells.
14. The gun
Wasn’t a desk but a car. My first job out of college was as a car salesman. I’d just sold a car and since it was a slow day I figured I’d help out the lot attendants and clean out the big stuff from the trade-in. Usually it’s just trash, but sometimes people leave stuff like IDs or important documents in the glove box, or CDs or the like.
In this case it was a .38 revolver. I called the guy and he said, “Oh, THAT’S where I left it! Can you hold on to it for me?” So for a few days underneath some sales forms in my desk drawer was a revolver and a set of bullets.
15. The tiny ducks
About two months ago I lost a team member who left for another job. She was a delight.
Someone had taken on an innocent office prank of hiding very tiny ducks everywhere. They were multicolored “rubber duckie” style ducks that fit on the tip of your finger. They were often on top of bulletin boards, water fountains, mundane places but they usually brought a smile.
She was very reserved but always nice and positive. When I opened her drawer to clean out, I found the entire bag of the ducks. I had to send her a text to let her know she had been outted as the duck prankster.
