I’m off this week. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives.
1. Should I temporarily live in my boss’s spare bedroom?
I’m in a bit of a housing bind, and dealing with some pretty serious anxiety to boot. I mentioned my anxiety issues to my boss to explain any lapses she may be seeing in my performance at work, and mentioned that my apartment search in NYC was a big contributing factor to the anxiety. She very graciously offered me her spare bedroom rent-free, where I could stay while I hunt for something that’s a better fit than the places I’m seeing now. (She was quite serious, and mentioned her offer again in a follow-up email later that day.)
Am I crazy to consider this? I definitely see the problems living with one’s boss, but I think we could handle it okay. She was my mentor for about a year before she came to work at my company and became my boss, so we have a fairly close relationship, though still professional. It would definitely be only temporary, but I’m not sure if taking my boss up on her offer would end up causing trouble?
The only way I’d do this is if you’d otherwise be homeless. It’s just too fraught with the potential for problems.
Yes, it might work out fine. But it could also cause huge problems. If she has to give you really serious critical feedback at work, do you really want to see her in the living room that evening? What if she has to tell you that your job is in jeopardy? What if she loses her job while you’re living with her and wants to complain to you every evening about your company? What if she wants to talk about work when you want to collapse in front of a movie and you feel pressured to let her? What if there’s a weird issue over money — will that really not bleed into work? What if she changes her mind and wants to kick you out early and you feel screwed over? And most importantly, what about the power dynamic? Are you going to feel comfortable telling your boss things you need to be able to tell a roommate, like “I really don’t want to spend a third hour listening to you talk about your ex?” or “Stop walking into my bedroom without knocking” or “Could you not blast Sia at 5 a.m.”? (And you can find more potential issues with it in this old letter.) Particularly if you’re dealing with anxiety issues, this all seems like an unnecessary additional source of stress.
It’s also a really bad idea for your boss herself, for all the reasons above. The fact that she’s offering says there’s a good chance she’s not super thoughtful about boundaries (again, unless you’re truly about to be homeless) and that’s a flag to be really cautious too.
– 2016
Read an update to this letter here.
2. I share a desk with the night shift and someone keeps rearranging my stuff
Recently, we had a huge increase in our workload. As a solution, my employer has hired more people and added a second shift of work at night. We do not have enough desks to accommodate the sudden influx of employees, and the night shift people share the day shift people’s desks.
I keep a few personal items in/on my desk, such as hand sanitizer, an extra bottle of water, mints, and a spare phone charger. For the past week, my entire desk has been rearranged. Being the type A I am, it drives me up the wall. Today was the last straw. I keep my phone charger plugged in oftentimes because the plug is hard to reach behind the computers. It was unplugged and thrown on the floor when I came in this morning. I am sick of people touching my stuff and not taking care of it. Am I overreacting? Is there anything I can do or say to resolve this?
When you’re sharing desks, things are going to get rearranged — there’s no real way around that. To the person working the night shift, that’s their work space — not someone else’s space that they’re borrowing, but their space. I know that’s hard to accept when it was your space first, but the reality is, now it belongs to both of you. (After all, if you were on the night shift, wouldn’t you hate feeling like you were just a guest in someone else’s space?)
If it’s going to drive you bananas to see items rearranged, I’d suggest keeping them in a drawer. It might even be worth working out an arrangement where you each get assigned a drawer, so you each have some space that’s just yours.
I agree that unplugging your phone charger and tossing it on the floor was less than polite, but just talk to the person about it — explain you like to keep it plugged in because it’s hard to reach the plug, and ask if they mind keeping it there when they’re using the desk in the evening.
Overall, just talk to the other person, acknowledge it’s tough to share space, and see what kind of system you can work out that will keep you both happy.
– 2014
3. Did I irritate this hiring manager?
I am a full-time college student graduating next month. I recently went through a phone interview with a recruiter, and she pressured me into a phone interview immediately because they liked my resume. During the phone interview, she told me I was the number one candidate, then scheduled an interview with the hiring manager. The hiring manager was giving me really good vibes and was being very nice. At the end of the interview, he told me he wanted to move forward and have a face-to-face in one week before he interviewed anyone else. Then he said that someone from his staff would contact me.
After a few days, no one had contacted me, so I contacted the hiring manager and told him that no one had contacted me. He said I should hear something this week. So, I replied with, “When should I expect to hear, and are we still planning to meet this week?” He said, “Maybe next week.” So I said, “I am looking forward to meeting with you, and I was hoping we could do it this week.” Then the manager replied, “Really – are you questioning me??” At that point, I took a step back and said, “No, I am really looking forward to the opportunity. I sincerely apologize for the misunderstanding.”
I feel like I was just trying to be assertive and show interest. Are they just giving me the run-around? What do I do now?
“Are you questioning me?” is utterly obnoxious, but his point wasn’t surprising — he told you when he was able to meet, and you kind of violated interview norms when you pushed back. The employer controls the hiring timeline. You can certainly share any constraints on your side (such as having another offer), but aside from that, you’re really at the mercy of the interviewer’s timeline.
Hiring often takes longer than people think it will. Employers often state one timeline and end up taking three times that long, or even longer. It’s frustrating, but it’s the nature of how it works. It’s good to show interest, but not to pressure them, which is what ended up happening here. At this point, I’d just be patient and wait for them to get back in touch with you. If you haven’t heard anything in two weeks, contact the recruiter (probably not the hiring manager in this case) to ask if she has an updated timeline.
– 2014
4. My great employee lied about finishing high school
I am a middle manager and we recently hired an employee, for a non-professional position, who told me after she was hired that she lied on her job application. She said she had her high school diploma, when she doesn’t, and if she had answered that question in the positive, the online application would have booted her from the application as it is required for the position.
She is a hard worker, a great team member, and really needs the job, so I am not sure if I should ever bring this up.
Ugh. Requiring a high school diploma (or a college degree) is supposed to be a proxy for “this person is likely to have certain baseline skills necessary to do the job.” This person has demonstrated pretty clearly that it’s a misplaced requirement. Plus, not finishing high school can correlate with poverty, class, abuse, and other issues that aren’t great to screen people out over.
On the other hand, obviously it’s not okay to lie on your application. But I’m having a hard time working up outrage about it. She didn’t go out of her way to lie on, say, a resume — a document that someone presumably puts a lot of thought and care into. She answered “yes” to an online application question when she should have answered “no.” It’s hardly the lie of the century.
As for what to do now … I’m sure some people will disagree, but you have a hard worker and a great team member with no high school diploma. If she’s otherwise trustworthy, I might just take it as a sign that you should drop that requirement, and then move on.
– 2016
