The other day, I was asked a VERY, VERY personal question…
How have I managed to go so long without sex?
Wow. Uhm. Pretty bold question there. And private. Sheesh!
I have to admit, I stammered around, embarrassed by the question. It’s not something I really talk about, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it NEEDS to be talked about. Because it IS possible, to remain pure outside of marriage.
The world would love you to think it’s not, and we can agree that temptation is everywhere. Things are thrown in our faces on a daily basis and it’s tough to really deal with that.
I know this post will really help a lot of people and so, I’m going to put my shyness away on the topic and share how to deal with temptation (of any kind). 🙂
How to Deal with Temptation
Temptation is all around us. It’s everywhere you look. Even if you lived as a hermit, you’d still be tempted. It’s just not something that you can get away from. And yet the Bible calls us to flee temptation.
So how do you flee temptation (2 Timothy 2:22) when it’s everywhere?
The first thing is to make sure your MIND is pure.
It starts with the mind
Philippians 4:8 is a great verse to memorize. It can help you in a lot of situations. It talks about keeping your mind pure, thinking on the right things, righteous things, not bad things.
Think about honorable things, it says. Is what your mind is thinking about HONORABLE? Is it pure? Holy? Like if God was sitting in the chair next to you right now, hearing your thoughts out loud, would you be ashamed of them? Embarrassed? Because He IS with us all day, every day. He knows our thoughts, our hearts, our intentions, our motives. He knows everything.
Are our thoughts pleasing to Him? Are they holy?
Keeping your mind pure, where sin starts (James 1:14), is vitally important to the Christian life.
Start taking notice of the things that tempt you. Are you tempted sexually when you watch a romantic movie? Don’t watch it. Or if you still want to, fast forward all the kissing/love-making scenes. That’s what I do (and I don’t watch anything over PG-13). I fast forward all that, all the time! I don’t need to watch someone making out if it stirs me up romantically inside.
What about music? Does the music you’re listening to lead to holiness? Or is it sensual songs, designed to make you FEEL things you ought not to be feeling right now?
How about the friends or your family that you’re hanging out with? Are they encouraging you to be immoral? Do they think that being pure is not valuable? Are they Christian?
Who we hang out with determines a lot of our lives and sometimes, you can’t get away from certain people (family members, for example). If you can’t, that will only add to your temptation, so my best advice is to refuse to talk about those subjects with them and do not spend any extra time with them that you have to, if they are leading you to sin in your heart.
What we let into our minds and who we let into our lives is important and the Bible tells us to take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). It’s hard work, but if you nip it in the bud, it’s far better (and easier) to say NO to, then if you let it linger in your mind, where it can so easily take root in your heart.
Make a firm, unbreakable promise to the Lord
One of the tricks I have done is to make a vow to the Lord that I will not have sex outside of marriage and to this date, I never have. It’s been over a decade since my ex-husband abandoned us, and I gotta say, it has NOT been easy. Probably the HARDEST thing about not being married, is this very topic. It’s just tough. But I’m living proof, it CAN BE DONE!!!
I made a vow to the Lord, long, long ago, that I would remain pure. And since I know He takes our vows very seriously and punishes us a great deal if we break them, it adds that extra motivation for me to continue to obey Him, despite when I am tempted.
That may or may not work for you, but for me, it helps and I need all the help I can get to obey Him when tempted.
Have extremely high walls up
Most men will NOT agree with you when you try to tell them that you don’t want to even KISS until you’re married. It’s just not done, right?! And I get that. But I’m sorry, I don’t think I could handle it. I think if I kissed a guy, it would very easily lead to other things BECAUSE it’s been so long.
Don’t be afraid to have extremely high walls. If the guy you’re dating doesn’t agree, he’s not the right guy for you. Because the RIGHT guy will WANT you to be pure and if that’s what YOU need to remain pure, then he has to understand you’d be tempted too much to sin and maybe you can’t handle that kind of temptation. If he genuinely cares about you, he’ll be willing to do whatever it takes to keep you BOTH pure physically.
If he is pressuring you to do things you don’t want to do, which is common for men to do, you need to stand firm and tell him no. Flee the situation. Show him you mean business and you’re not willing to compromise because I promise you, he will test you that you mean business.
Do not put yourself into situations where something could happen. Keep your kids in the room, for example. It’s real hard to have sex with a guy if your kids are in the room! Instant mood killer. haha!
Do whatever it takes, to be pure, and to keep your distance from whatever would entangle you to sin (Proverbs 4:14-15). If you’re dating, that means being somewhere public. Never in a bedroom or something like that. Put up some walls and keep them high until you’re married. Once you’re married, you can be with him all you want!
I’m not even kidding you, when I get married, I’m going to want to make love 1-6 times a DAY (no joke). I have a LOT of making up to do and it’ll be within the confines of marriage, so it’s totally fine. But before married….nada! I wait for the day I’m married and ladies, look for a man who is looking for the same thing! Who’s willing to wait and obey the Lord. You guys need to be on the same page with this.
Maybe that’s not kissing. Maybe that’s something different. Each person will be different, but know your limits and don’t go near whatever those limits are for YOU.
Understand that God does not tempt us
James 1:13 makes it perfectly clear that God does not tempt us. So…movies and music, even friends and family and the world at large may contribute to our temptation, where does the Bible say is safe?
The BIBLE itself!
So when you are tempted, read your Bible!
Pour into it. Let the Word of God wash over you. Romans 13:14.
Can’t get to your Bible when you’re tempted, memorize it. Carry it around in your pocket, have a Bible in your car. Put Bibles everywhere. Anytime I take a trip to go somewhere, a vacation or traveling, I always take my Bible with me. I read it. All the time. I can’t leave without it. It’s my sword (Ephesians 6:17)!
Never let the Bible out of your sight.
In my home, I have a Bible in just about every room in my house. The only rooms I don’t have a Bible in is the kitchen and bathrooms. Everywhere else, has a study Bible in it. It’s always near to me and I open up my Bible at LEAST 20 different times a day, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. without fail.
When my mind is focused on God and HIS will, things like temptation have a barrier they have to pass and I have to let them, in order for them to get into my mind.
It’s like an athlete who trains for a marathon. He runs every single day, right? He’s training, getting better, working hard at competing.
Your mind, your holiness, your sanctification is WAY more important than athletics because it’s about eternity. Your body is here for maybe 80 years, your soul is forever. Investing in your soul is wise.
Train every day and keep yourself free of things that derail you, by putting on a protective barrier, the Word of God. It will permeate your mind and help keep your mind protected when you are tempted. It’s easier to say NO.
Understand that you’re going to fail when tempted sometimes
A couple weeks ago, I was tempted for something in a totally different subject. I was SOOOOO tempted to do something. I really wanted to and it was very tough to walk away. I immediately cried out to God to help me. “Lord, I don’t want to do this, please help me not do it,” I begged Him.
He gave me the strength to walk away and I did.
Next day, I was tempted again. I didn’t do it. I walked away.
The third day I was tempted yet again and that time I failed. Ugh. I did what I didn’t want to do (this was not having sex outside of marriage; I have NOT failed in that area). 🙂
Sometimes, you will try and try and try and TRY your hardest and you will fail anyway.
When you fail, it’s okay. Repent, bring your requests to God and don’t do it again. Don’t just keep sinning because you failed. Stop doing it and don’t do it again. Keep trying really hard to obey the Lord and to flee temptation. Eventually, you’ll get a lot better at it and strengthen yourself.
Cast your burden on the Lord (Psalm 55;22). He knows you’re struggling with it, but He ALSO sees you’re trying and your trying is pleasing Him. You please Him when you try to obey Him. He knows we’re human and we fail, but get back up, dust yourself off and keep plugging away, trying your absolute best to obey.
God rewards your faithfulness
As I mentioned, I’ve been faithful to not do anything bad outside of marriage and I KNOW that God will reward that. I will find a guy who believes the same thing I do and we will have an AH-mazing marriage because we both put God first and are willing to obey Him at any cost.
God rewards our faithfulness. He will provide me with a godly husband because I’ve been so faithful.
Think about it. If I would have been sleeping around this whole time, I could not GET a godly man. A godly man would not want me. I have to be godly myself in order to get a godly man (and vise versa), so I know, just in that alone, I will have a godly man as my future husband because I myself am godly. I qualify for a good man’s checklist of him wanting a pure woman.
