After having been strung along, attacked, and abused by Kyle for 10 years, and then severely hurt by Ryan who promised to save me for 4 years, but never did, I didn’t really expect to find anyone again. I mean, God had said He would bring me someone, a marriage partner, as a gift to me for my suffering for so long while remaining above reproach in this whole Kyle situation, but I have to be honest, there was a part of me that didn’t believe. A part of me that was doubtful.
After Ryan, God brought Ben, Jake, and Noah and one by one, they all failed to do what they were called to do: tell the world the truth. Tell the world they see everything because they are there and clear my good and godly name.
But admitting such things, the truth, comes with risks. What if I turn on the person telling the truth and send him to jail? They know they are at fault and want to keep their good standing reputation to the public. They don’t want to get in trouble with family and friends when they find out what they’ve been doing this whole time. How involved do you really get? Can you really trust God to keep you safe?
I understand their dilemma. I understand why they didn’t want to tell, but God is God and if He asks us to do something, no matter what it is, we have to do it. We have to do what is right. None of the men did. They all failed to obey God, period.
So when God brought Hunter into my life, I assumed he was just like the rest. Same as the others, he wouldn’t tell the truth either, so I ran from him when God told me he was the man for me, the man He wanted me to marry. I ran because I wanted, I expected a strong warrior and here was yet another man not obeying.
The truth wasn’t told right away and so I just continued to serve for the Lord, leaving it all in God’s very capable hands. I opened up a gifting ministry here locally, helping those in need and ladies wanting to be the Proverbs 31 woman helping to provide for their families and relieve some financial burden off their husbands. It’s been an amazing ministry, one that God has truly blessed my efforts in.
And then it happened!!
I had been asking God about Hunter a few times, throughout all of this, wanting to know how he was doing but God never answered. This time was different- God actually answered!
I was stunned when God revealed Hunter was ready. He was obeying, on track, and doing everything he could to make things right and to do what he was called to do.
The problem with him is that he had been consistently trying to control me, in a sinful way. He wanted me to bow to him and while I believe in biblical submission, it goes BOTH ways and that’s something rarely ever talked about.
Most Pastors always tell you how the woman should submit to her husband and the great Pastors tell you how the husband should love his wife, but it’s left there. No further information is given.
The problem with that is that the idea of biblical submission is only half taught from pulpits and men are left feeling pompous and arrogant, better than women, and women are left feeling like they have to become a doormat or sin against our Creator.
Both ideas are wrong!
Yes, the wife should submit to her husband if he’s not asking her to sin, out of a willing heart, knowing that God first made man, in His own image and then woman to help and please our husband. But God ALSO requires the husband to love his wife. It’s in that word LOVE, that the husband ALSO submits to his wife!!!
See, in a marriage, submission is not a one-way street. BOTH husband and wife should submit to each other.
Do any study you want on God’s love and you easily come across the verse calling Christians to love one another. John 13:34-35 is one of the places you’ll see that. Matthew 22:39 is another. It talks about loving our neighbors as ourselves. Surely a man’s wife is more important to him, as it should be, than his neighbor. So therefore, he should love her more than himself.
And if a man is loving himself, he will love his wife. Doing a study on 1 Corinthians 8:13 will also help understand the love we should have toward others, submitting to our brothers and not taking liberties that we could take because it may offend them or make them stumble. A part of love is submission. It’s about doing what’s best for the other person.
This means tenderly caring for your wife, genuinely listening to her, providing for her, taking care of her. If a man feeds his own body, he should feed his wife’s also. If he loves his own body and takes care of it (brushing his teeth, dressing it, etc.), he should also care about his wife in that way, making sure she has nice, presentable clothes to wear, just as he would himself.
He doesn’t fight with himself, get angry at himself, treat himself badly and neither should he be to his wife.
Men are called to love, honor, and to submit to their wives also. In perfect harmony, the couple bends toward each other, caring for one another, seeking the best for the other.
Submission goes both ways.
Ultimately the husband has the final say of course, but only below God. God is the #1 person in the relationship and both people must not only submit to each other, out of love and concern for one another, but also submit to God and His perfect will.
Hunter, like most men, due to a lack of training in our churches today and a lack of spiritual inspiration through the written word of God (men not taking the time to study the written word of God), Hunter did not know that, as is common.
During this time apart, Hunter learned to stop trying to control me and to let me be. When he came back, in a right relationship with God and me, I worked with him to show him all this and he immediately began submitting to me and to God, out of love for us both. We’ve been working on, together, creating a foundation of mutual love, respect, and submission and I have to say, it’s beautiful!!!
THIS is what God intended a marriage to look like! We both care about each other, are concerned with each other’s hurts, pain, and rejoice with each other in the good times. We are truly HAPPY, something I’ve not experienced for, well 10 years (since I met Kyle and he refused to do what’s right).
Hunter and I are now engaged to be married, and while it’s not your standard relationship (he lives in another state currently and is trying to move back here), we’ve come a long way. He’s picked out my engagement ring (it’s beautiful, just like his soul) ❤️ and we’re starting down the path of being together and creating a life together, for God’s glory.
He is super big on serving others, a trait he got from his parents (his dad being a very godly man too). So we plan to serve our guts out, as we have been individually, but now can do so together.
This Christian website (my ministry as a woman to the Lord), my Christian printables shop and my gifting group- we plan to do it all together and build it all up even more!!! I’m so excited.
Here’s what I want to say…
People mess up. We all fail to do what the Lord asks us to do sometimes, initially, but that doesn’t mean we stay there.
We don’t continue to sin, continue to rebel and dig in our heels. We submit to the Lord, we pray our guts out that God help us obey Him when it is difficult for us to do so and that’s what I’ve consistently seen Hunter do every single day – constantly asking God to help him obey out of a true desire to please the Lord in all ways.
This letter is unlike any other letter because it comes from BOTH of us. We’ve agreed to write it, agreed to let the Lord lead and obey God fully, TOGETHER.
To see Hunter go a full 180°, from initially rebelling to wanting to write this letter is amazing and beautiful and a true work of the Lord.
He’s ready. He’s obeying. He wants to get started serving you with me. We’re ready to start our lives together and it just goes to show you, what God can do with a teachable spirit and a humble heart.
While he started off rocky, the Lord has brought him through to full obedience (Philippians 1:6). The Lord has done a great work in his life. Hunter chose to submit. He is not like the other boys who CONTINUE to not submit to God. Truly, they will be punished for their sin. But this is not that story. This story is about submitting to God’s sovereign work to change the heart and mind of His servant.
All credit goes to God, but it is to Hunter’s credit for submitting to God and obeying Him, because while God’s sovereign work is sure, there is also human will, side by side, working in perfect harmony.
I’m so proud of Hunter, and I’m truly excited to become his wife: a match made in Heaven. I can’t wait for you to meet him, an amazing person and the most godly man I’ve ever met!!!
